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I was first ‘saved’ a few years ago and surrendered my life to Jesus.  As I’ve continued my path to become a better and better Christian woman, yes….I still have my struggles and understand I likely always will.  The blessings are that most of them are changing and new struggles emerge.  When I thought about surrender, I thought….yes, I’ve surrendered my life to God. In my mind it was almost like a checklist item…yes, I’ve done that.  As the months and years have gone by, I see myself trying to grab the steering wheel from God to put things in my own control.  Of course, that’s when I’m least joyful…yet I still try it every once in a while.  Much of this control issue after ‘surrendering’ I find is linked to trusting the Lord.   Yes, we all say we trust the Lord.  But, when the check is a little bit less or later than usual, do you get that anxious twitch in your stomach or side?  Does your chest tighten a little?   How long do you stay that way?  Do you recognize that it’s happening?   When you get into a relationship that is going well, and then you get anxious about it.   How long does it take you to realize what your mind is doing to the relationship?  Where is God in that?  Whatever it is that is your ‘hot button’, how long do you stay in fear or anxious over it?

What I’ve come to realize is that surrender isn’t a one-time offering.   The days I’m most joyful, feel I’m living more purposefully and have the most peace are the days I remember to surrender myself to the Lord in the morning.   To declare to Him that I trust him with everything in my life.   I don’t want to give the wrong impression.  I don’t just exist and think God’s going to get me to work, although, He will get me there safely.  Our responsibility is still to take action, but to do so in faith.

There is a LOT rolled into surrender and trust, isn’t there?  I would ask you if you have stress and/or fear in your life, are you putting on the whole armor of God every day?  We are not strong standing as an island.  Our strength comes from God and we can ask for it.  He will build you up.

For me, the biggest battle by far goes on in my head.   Negative or incorrect thoughts….projecting thoughts into the future which makes no sense.   There is a lot to be said for living in the present moment with total faith.  In order to maintain joy and peace in the face of society today, I strongly recommend using all the tools at your disposal.  I think many of us pray and read Scripture.  How often do you read Scripture out loud?  Our words are very powerful.  We can use them to protect ourselves and to strengthen our armor.

Try putting on the whole armor of God (Ephesians 6: 13-17). If you don’t currently arm yourself with any, start with one or two pieces.  Start reading Scripture…then move into adding prayer…living more and more righteously….I bet you see that your life and your trust grows creating more harmony within you.   It will affect your relationships with everyone and more of satan’s darts will bounce off.   Once you’re more protected, beware of your weaknesses….satan’s a lion and will jump the moment you’re not squarely facing him, ie: be watchful.

I make the above observation because when I get lazy in putting on my own armor, my mind goes places it has no business going and it affects all of my relationships and my quality of life.   The moment I move back into my Bible reading, using my promise book to read Scripture excerpts out loud, pray, and do my best to live more and more as God wants a Christian woman to live… mind turns into a very calm and peaceful place.  I guess you could say that whatever shoes I’m wearing turn into my “shoes of peace”.

The goal of my posting is to encourage those that are having stress and anxiety to relieve those feelings.  They are so harmful in so many ways, spiritually, physically, emotionally, etc.   It is also to help you recognize when you feel anxiety and fear, how to find trust in the Lord.  I recognize this isn’t like turning on a switch but through faith and the armor of God, you can get there.   It took me about 8 months to lose my financial fear when I was going through divorce.  When I feel a twinge of financial anxiety, I recognize it quickly and turn to the Lord to get rid of it and trust that He is taking care of me.  I am very far from perfect and hope to encourage anyone in fear.  I understand and wish you blessings and pray for you.

I leave you with a quote from my favorite Casting Crowns song, “Just Be Held”:  “Your world’s not falling apart it’s falling into place, you’re not alone stop holding on and just be held”.

Wishing you peace, love, perfect health, joy, faith, trust, surrender, blessings, and tons of laughter!!!

Remember, God made you and loves every bit of you.



It’s been a while since I’ve written.  I have been inspired and then felt that the ‘lesson’ was not complete and then inspired, and then not ‘complete’ so I’m just going to pick this up where it’s at!  I know I’ve written on setting boundaries in my life before.  I’ve also written about where is God’s boundary and does he have one and the differences of opinion on that.

Today I’m revisiting boundaries in our lives.   I have been very blessed through prayer, experience, and spoken verses from the Bible to have received emotional healing of childhood wounds I thought were already healed.   Apparently, forgiving someone does not equal personal healing and is just the first step.  Silly me.  I had not realized that I was interacting with people looking to be validated in my life, especially with men.   However, this experience was true for most of my personal relationships.

An interesting dynamic starts to show itself when you begin to realize as the son or daughter of God, you are already valid.  Not only do you no longer seek validation, you also gain self respect.   In gaining this self respect, your interaction with historical relationships may begin to change.   Behaviors you once found acceptable or allowed you no longer tolerate in your life.   I find my reaction can be strong or defensive if I’m not self aware.   It appears as if three of my close friends overstep boundaries that I never recognized before.  It has caused me to pray and ask the Lord if I’m bringing these reactions into my life or if it is just a matter of recognizing the inappropriateness of behaviors.   I prefer not to lose friends but find it necessary to establish new boundaries of what is acceptable.   I am a firm believer in you are responsible for what you allow in your life.  I think with an approach of love things will work out….and of course prayer.

I’d be curious if others have had this experience and what typically happens… you develop new friends or do existing friends adjust to your newly ‘framed’ self?

Since my last post, I dated someone new and have broken up. We had a ton in common but I ignored my instincts to not continue to see him after the first date. It would have been a wise decision. He’s very nice but has a lot of fear/pain/baggage from the ex gf. Here I thought I was happy and moving along nicely. When we broke up, I was pretty devastated…I thought how could I be truly happy and bring this sort of partner to myself? Well, it’s probaby a good thing this happened or it might have been something else. Turns out I woke up yesterday with literal pain in my solar plexus chakra. I was so sad and restricted. I did everything I could to open this chakra. I would get temporary relief during the day but it would continue to constrict until I did an exercise from TW Jackson’s Get your ex back. I didn’t want to ‘get the ex back’ but I remembered there was a powerful exercise in the ebook. It was to ask yourself these questions as these powerful feelings came…
Can I allow this feeling
Can I accept this feeling
Can I let this go?
If so, when?
And it all flooded home to me. I have fear and pain around my financial situation and what to do next. I am looking for a job but very concerned that I find something more aligned with my strengths and what I’ll be excited, passionate to do every day. So I am in very much discovery mode and want to become financially independent so my husband can leave the house and we can get divorced and get on with our lives. Also, rediscovery means letting go of ego and giving up my ‘story’ to let new opportunities come in.

So what I realized is that I met a man with fear and pain mostly in his heart chakra, not sure where else, if else….that matched my fear and pain in my solar plexus chakra. So I am not yet in the position to meet my true love; not until I’m more balanced. And I learned many valuable lessons.

I have more work to do to truly love myself.
I have some rediscovery to do to find my passion
I no longer have joy working in my own company so I will never have the financial rewards without joy.
I need to set boundaries for myself instead of just going along and going along accepting behaviors that do not honor me. Set boundaries earlier and communicate them nicely to avoid sabotaging the relationship and possible friendship
Drink less vodka
Understand my partner better.
This parnter lied all the time and that’s not a criticism…it’s just fact. He did that thinking that every woman is like his ex gf and would have a very strong emotional reaction to everything. So he invited me to get serious more so than I wanted to at first and then as things went along, I’d ask a question about our relationship and he couldn’t be honest because he was fearful of my reaction if he told the truth.
So we snowballed into too serious too soon for both of us and it blew up.
I was constantly treated as if I was someone else, the ex gf, not me.
And he suffered a horrible temper/break up late one night because I dishonored myself by letting things go until I couldn’t tolerate it anymore. Ironically, I have prided myself on being conscious of my emotions and responsible for them…and here I was…out of control.
So we both came from fear and pain. Not a very good foundation for a relationship.
Not even a good foundation for a friendship, really.

So here I am…looking for a job and not sure what I will be doing. I am doing my best to stay joyful and embrace the journey for it’s the journey they say, that has the most fun in it.

I feel very blessed for my friends, family, even that my soon to be ex husband is nice to me and vice versa…and for my cats and my dog…total unconditional love.

wishing you love, happiness, peace, and tons of laughter….thank you!!!


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