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I was first ‘saved’ a few years ago and surrendered my life to Jesus.  As I’ve continued my path to become a better and better Christian woman, yes….I still have my struggles and understand I likely always will.  The blessings are that most of them are changing and new struggles emerge.  When I thought about surrender, I thought….yes, I’ve surrendered my life to God. In my mind it was almost like a checklist item…yes, I’ve done that.  As the months and years have gone by, I see myself trying to grab the steering wheel from God to put things in my own control.  Of course, that’s when I’m least joyful…yet I still try it every once in a while.  Much of this control issue after ‘surrendering’ I find is linked to trusting the Lord.   Yes, we all say we trust the Lord.  But, when the check is a little bit less or later than usual, do you get that anxious twitch in your stomach or side?  Does your chest tighten a little?   How long do you stay that way?  Do you recognize that it’s happening?   When you get into a relationship that is going well, and then you get anxious about it.   How long does it take you to realize what your mind is doing to the relationship?  Where is God in that?  Whatever it is that is your ‘hot button’, how long do you stay in fear or anxious over it?

What I’ve come to realize is that surrender isn’t a one-time offering.   The days I’m most joyful, feel I’m living more purposefully and have the most peace are the days I remember to surrender myself to the Lord in the morning.   To declare to Him that I trust him with everything in my life.   I don’t want to give the wrong impression.  I don’t just exist and think God’s going to get me to work, although, He will get me there safely.  Our responsibility is still to take action, but to do so in faith.

There is a LOT rolled into surrender and trust, isn’t there?  I would ask you if you have stress and/or fear in your life, are you putting on the whole armor of God every day?  We are not strong standing as an island.  Our strength comes from God and we can ask for it.  He will build you up.

For me, the biggest battle by far goes on in my head.   Negative or incorrect thoughts….projecting thoughts into the future which makes no sense.   There is a lot to be said for living in the present moment with total faith.  In order to maintain joy and peace in the face of society today, I strongly recommend using all the tools at your disposal.  I think many of us pray and read Scripture.  How often do you read Scripture out loud?  Our words are very powerful.  We can use them to protect ourselves and to strengthen our armor.

Try putting on the whole armor of God (Ephesians 6: 13-17). If you don’t currently arm yourself with any, start with one or two pieces.  Start reading Scripture…then move into adding prayer…living more and more righteously….I bet you see that your life and your trust grows creating more harmony within you.   It will affect your relationships with everyone and more of satan’s darts will bounce off.   Once you’re more protected, beware of your weaknesses….satan’s a lion and will jump the moment you’re not squarely facing him, ie: be watchful.

I make the above observation because when I get lazy in putting on my own armor, my mind goes places it has no business going and it affects all of my relationships and my quality of life.   The moment I move back into my Bible reading, using my promise book to read Scripture excerpts out loud, pray, and do my best to live more and more as God wants a Christian woman to live…..my mind turns into a very calm and peaceful place.  I guess you could say that whatever shoes I’m wearing turn into my “shoes of peace”.

The goal of my posting is to encourage those that are having stress and anxiety to relieve those feelings.  They are so harmful in so many ways, spiritually, physically, emotionally, etc.   It is also to help you recognize when you feel anxiety and fear, how to find trust in the Lord.  I recognize this isn’t like turning on a switch but through faith and the armor of God, you can get there.   It took me about 8 months to lose my financial fear when I was going through divorce.  When I feel a twinge of financial anxiety, I recognize it quickly and turn to the Lord to get rid of it and trust that He is taking care of me.  I am very far from perfect and hope to encourage anyone in fear.  I understand and wish you blessings and pray for you.

I leave you with a quote from my favorite Casting Crowns song, “Just Be Held”:  “Your world’s not falling apart it’s falling into place, you’re not alone stop holding on and just be held”.

Wishing you peace, love, perfect health, joy, faith, trust, surrender, blessings, and tons of laughter!!!

Remember, God made you and loves every bit of you.

CD

It’s been a while since I’ve written.  I have been inspired and then felt that the ‘lesson’ was not complete and then inspired, and then not ‘complete’ so I’m just going to pick this up where it’s at!  I know I’ve written on setting boundaries in my life before.  I’ve also written about where is God’s boundary and does he have one and the differences of opinion on that.

Today I’m revisiting boundaries in our lives.   I have been very blessed through prayer, experience, and spoken verses from the Bible to have received emotional healing of childhood wounds I thought were already healed.   Apparently, forgiving someone does not equal personal healing and is just the first step.  Silly me.  I had not realized that I was interacting with people looking to be validated in my life, especially with men.   However, this experience was true for most of my personal relationships.

An interesting dynamic starts to show itself when you begin to realize as the son or daughter of God, you are already valid.  Not only do you no longer seek validation, you also gain self respect.   In gaining this self respect, your interaction with historical relationships may begin to change.   Behaviors you once found acceptable or allowed you no longer tolerate in your life.   I find my reaction can be strong or defensive if I’m not self aware.   It appears as if three of my close friends overstep boundaries that I never recognized before.  It has caused me to pray and ask the Lord if I’m bringing these reactions into my life or if it is just a matter of recognizing the inappropriateness of behaviors.   I prefer not to lose friends but find it necessary to establish new boundaries of what is acceptable.   I am a firm believer in you are responsible for what you allow in your life.  I think with an approach of love things will work out….and of course prayer.

I’d be curious if others have had this experience and what typically happens…..do you develop new friends or do existing friends adjust to your newly ‘framed’ self?

This blog is nothing but consistent: relationships and God.  The interesting dance of how relationships can bring you closer to God and how God can clarify and form relationships….and change your perspective.

As a woman born in the Northeast US, I had some ideas of what the man I want to marry might be like.   My marriage that is now ended was one where I was co-dependent.   Now that I have come through that and have a relationship with Jesus, that picture has changed significantly.  Even now, I am finding lessons in my ideals versus what I could and should be looking for in a partner.

In this recent blizzard, I was left alone.  My “boyfriend” (I quote it becuase he’s a grown man) said he’d rather stay in his apartment than be here to help me.  Knowing we were likely to get about 30″ of snow and potentially lose power, I was very hurt.  Now that I’ve come through the storm and he obviously feels like a worm at this point seeing what it was like and that there was a travel ban so he could not come to help me…..what a different place I view that relationship from.   I have been praying and mulling over how uncared for I felt…feel.   I made it through last winter alone and was fine.   Which brought my mind to, “when I was alone”….so now what am I?  Not alone?   Yes, you can imagine a slight pity party in my head, can’t you? Luckily, I don’t allow myself to stay in self pity for very long.   However, this did make me look at my relationship with a whole new perspective.

Is it fair to expect a man to be my rescuer?  I think to some extent, yes.  A man’s love is demonstrated through actions.   However, if his apology is real, genuine, and he was truly being a block head for a moment, then what?   Is it devastation that I couldn’t count on him?  Is it significant? Yes and no.   We will see how things go.   I’m hurt, disappointed, but mostly, very pensive.    If this life truly is a temporary assignment before eternity, then how much does all of this matter?  It matters more, I think, that the person has a relationship with Jesus.  It matters if he does think more about how to be a helpful and supportive partner.

Then, it came to this.  Who can I count on 100% of the time?  Me? another human being?  Not really.  The only one, Absolute entity I can count on 100% of the time, is the Lord.  And you can take THAT to the bank!

People will be what they are going to be.  We make decisions about who we have in our lives and how we can best serve our purpose here.  When you understand that God has you, it becomes SO much more important to walk with Him, closely. It matters to have a close relationship with Him and that you work on building that relationship every day.  God will be there long after this brief life we have here. Jesus will hopefully welcome me to Heaven.  Can you truly ask for anything greater?

Given that knowledge and when we start to walk more closely with God, I think we shed a lot of baggage.  We do not get ‘offended’; we realize that everyone is only capable of being who they are on their journey.   Expectations, whether we set them or someone else sets them for us…they drift away.   To a certain extent we become naked again.   No baggage, no pretenses….just you in front of Jesus wondering if you’re being the person He would want you to be.   Once you are standing there, raw, really seeing yourself, the other person becomes ‘naked’ as well.  You don’t look at what they say about themselves.  You observe their actions and who they are to you without expectation….just the thoughts and actions exchanged.   You stop judging them and you shed your expectations of them.

Then, through the emotional processing and prayer there is the blessing.  Knowing that you choose to walk more closely with the Lord and that only His love is never-failing, beautiful, graceful, and something to consistently strive to build inside you and in your life.

How can you be angry with someone that builds your faith? I don’t think you can.

Wishing you perfect health, love, joy, laughter, and knowing your purpose in this life.  God bless!

CD1

 

When I was a little girl and watched cartoons on saturday mornings with my brother, it was always a treat when we caught the Pink Panther.  One of the cartoons was the Ant and the Aardvark.  And every time I think of the voice, “Hey Ant”….it just cracks me up.  In case your’e not familiar with it….here’s a little youtube link for you: http://youtu.be/E_LX7_48oLA

So why Ant?  I had the recent experience of starting to deal with the financial end of my divorce….what he expects, what I expect…etc.   If you’ve not gone through it…don’t.  It’s not a lot of fun.  I had always gone into fear and small mode.   In this feeling I’m more of a victim that has to accept my circumstances or what the other person insists on having.   So when he emailed me yesterday that he wants to force the sale of the house, the house that I owned before we met that is now a bit upside down, I went into that same place and got fearful and very upset.   And as I sat there, soaking in my sadness, victimology, unempowered-ness…..I started to ask God what He wants of me.  And I felt this shift start to happen from the inside out.   I am not a victim.  I have no reason to be sad.   I am fully empowered and strong with God and Jesus in my heart.   Just because the ex says something does not make it true nor what will happen.  My mind went a lot of places I’m not really proud of for a little bit but then came back to grounding.  So I let go of all of the old response/reaction and embraced my new self who knows that I am fully taken care of and trust God implicitly…that He is showing me the path of what is the next best step for me.   And I am more than ok…I am peaceful.

I went to sleep very early last night so I was wide awake and bushy tailed at 4am.  Instead of leaping out of bed like I used to…I waited for wisdom and was thankful for all I have…and then…the next wonderful lesson came.  We face things all the time that seem like they rock our world; they are paramount in and to our existence.   When really if you take a step or two back from the situation…it’s a speck.   It’s a speck in time and a speck in the world.  It’s just a speck in God’s overall plans.  And you have to always know that you are going to come out of whatever situation it is..happier, healthier, and an overall better person, better equipped to help others that might face the same or similar challenges.    As my pastor once said, things don’t happen so you can say ‘so what’; they happen so THAT you can help someone else…..so that.   The difference between that little double-u and tee is huge.

I write this blog so THAT maybe someone else will find some strength in knowing he or she is not alone…that we all have our struggles…and no matter what…there is always love for you.  In the overall picture we are ants in a way…carrying our own world on our shoulders.  It’s important to remember that the struggle that feels like the world on our shoulders will seem no more significant than the size of an ant some day.   If you have a struggle and you’re able to…let it go, even if for a few minutes at a time…and know that you will be ok.  Having said that, I know there are many people going through health issues…my prayers for you and I wish you no pain, perfect health, laughter, blessings, and optimism.

Wishing you love, happiness, joy, grace, perfect health, and tons of laughter, always….

CD1

Fasten your seat belt, this might be a longer post than usual…maybe a cup of tea or a latte?

I asked God for learning about 36 hours ago…learning that I need to not repeat mistakes in my relationships for the future and how to be the best person I can be.  I did use the context of “I’m ready” as well.  I guess I am/was because it came flooding in.  I’m going to go through a series of events in my life that led to this significant enlightenment.  Once I had it, it seems so obvious and so, almost, coy.  Somtimes until you get it so that it strikes you from soul to skin…I don’t think you really understand the significance.  This one shook my world and brought clarity to so much.    I was told this was likely before but I wasn’t able to receive it in such a way that gripped me and showed me what it really means…so here we go!

About a week and a half ago an ex-bf texted me..had some of my things, shame to throw them out…could put them in a box and he’d be happy to deliver himself!    We broke up early Feb so it’s been about 9 months.  Prior to that, I heard he went to a place I frequent looking for me in June and Easter he sent me a simple “Happy Easter!” text.  To his most recent text I replied, “that would be fine. ty”  to which he replied, “Are you working from home today?”   I don’t believe that’s any of his biz so I was polite but not warm and basically said if I wasn’t home he could leave it in or on the milk box on the steps.  To which I never got a reply nor did a box ever show up.            What disturbed me was my reaction.  At first I just shook out of anxiety for a few minutes.  Then I got back into my own skin and thought….Hey, you know you don’t want a man that wasn’t nice to you, is more proud than caring, and views women as a commodity so chill out.  and I did.  then….about a week later it was almost like a little program started to run.  I started to think about him.  And over a few days I started to feel worse about myself and I realized that it was like a little computer program got triggered and I became the less confident woman that I was when I had dated him.  The observation was very freeing and I let go of that baggage.  I was a little concerned that it even happened and asked for guidance.

Yesterday I heard from my soon to be ex.  He wants some of his things from the house and a few things that are considered ‘ours’ from the house.  I responded directly and politely with the legalities of everything and was glad he was well.  The shaking came back for about an hour and we had a couple of brief exchanges and then that was it.   I was recovering from that and wondering why I would be upset when I checked my home voicemail.

My dad and his girlfriend of 23 years have been having their difficulties.  However, she has decided that it’s time to pick on me so my father listens to her complain about me every day for a large portion of the day.    I, unfortunately, know about this because my dad has told me what she says about me.  Meanwhile in June I confronted her and asked why she didn’t like me anymore..she denied everything my dad said that she says and we were ‘ok’ and agreed to have direct communication.  None of this talking to everyone except the person you have a problem with “stuff”.  I guess she could not keep to that.  So she’s at it again and it hurts because we were close.  However, it’s beyond my control.   I don’t know what to do at this point.  I know I’m not emotionally ready to be the ‘bigger person’ that I was last time with this repeat problem.  So why is this important?  Well, here comes Thanksgiving!  Lookout. family time!  I was all set to volunteer on Thanksgiving and stop at a friend’s house in the evening when I got a call last week from my dad.   He said he’d like to go to dinner with me because he couldn’t enjoy his dinner at his gf’s daughter’s house knowing I was alone on Thanksgiving.  I was overcome with his thoughtfulness and love.   I really felt cared about for the first time in a long time.

And then the voicemail yesterday…..his tone was critical as usual saying, “I understand Susann’s daughter invited you for Thanksgiving and you declined.  Sometimes you have to be the bigger person……”  I emailed him back to explain that I’m not emotionally equipped to deal with the situation, etc.  We had some ok exchanges and I gave him an ‘out’ and we were talking about having dinner the night before together when I realized….I went from feeling so loved to feeling like an inconvenience.    I welcomed the interruption to this energy as I had plans to see a movie with a friend.  On the drive home it struck me like my own personal earthquake…guess you might call it a soul-quake.   And what I’m about to say I would like to preface with the knowledge that many many people, men and women, have been worse off than I was and am….this is just my personal soul-quake.     My father has never told me I’m pretty or beautiful.  He’s never said I could do or be anything.  He’s never said much except for criticism my entire life.  When I talk to my dad 99% is either about him or it’s criticism of some kind.   And it ripped through me inside and out…..I have been looking for self-esteem, personal value, personal beauty…all the things I had expected and wanted from my dad from external sources, ie: men.     There it was like someone stamped it on my forehead for the first time.  I have been uncertain why the crying came and still comes but now I realize that I’m grieving for what I did not receive and still have not from my dad.    Sure, you could have told me that a few months ago and I would have said, yeah, likely.   I tend to learn things the hard way but I learn them well when I do learn them, thankfully.  And this one I would not have really understood or learned unless I had that experience with every cell in my body and spirit.

So why did I shake when the ex bf contacted me? When the ex contacted me?   This ‘bond’ I had with these men for me was linked to my self-esteem, value, and beauty validation.  It was a deeper part of me looking to connect and get what it needed.  It’s also why my father’s gf creating problems bothered me so much as she’s part of the source of love from my dad.  I am investigating my next steps to heal these wounds and feed my soul so that I can be fulfilled and feel like a full person not needing anyone else’s validation.

I am grateful for this experience as the gift from it is tremendous.  The opportunity to grow as a person and become more than I am now will enable me to contribute more positively and with more value to all of my friends and family and to the world.  I asked….and boy did I receive within 36 hours.  I am truly blessed and look forward to the next chapter in my life.

Wishing you peace, unconditional love, self-discovery, and joy, always!!!

CD1

I had wondered why when an exclusive relationship broke up, I am a little devastated and it takes me a while to heal.
Am I needy? Not particularly.
Would I prefer to stay in a relationship that wasn’t serving either of us? No, definitely not.
So why the pain?

Recently I’ve been watching all sorts of videos and snippets on love, relationships, and what it means to be physical with someone in a relationship.

Well, it’s not that I am needy, desperate, mal-adjusted, issue-ridden, etc.
Turns out, I’m likely in better balance with my spiritual and physical than I thought.
This is something I have been working towards for years with yoga, exercise, nutrition, meditation, some hypnosis and subliminal work, etc.
Turns out, it makes sense. What was I doing wrong? I was not taking proper care of my body.
Often we eat organic foods, we exercise, we moisturize, we anti-age cream ourselves…do a lot of things that help the body inside and out.
Yet….at least for me, I forgot that my soul lives inside this wonderful body, too.

My most recent learning is that when I make the decision to be physical with someone I’m in a relationship with….I’m giving them not only my body but a piece of my soul. They are connected, not disconnected. This is very significant and explains the pain I’ve felt and still feel since my last break up of almost a month ago.

If I had looked at it that way….like I was giving this person a piece of my soul…would I have gotten physical with him? Easy answer there…heyl NO! Not at that point.

Some people might think I’m nuts and well..that’s ok. I am not one of those people that is disconnected spiritually from my body. I innately knew this but the synapse hadn’t carried its way to consciousness.

So, it was comforting that I understand why so much pain…but not comforting that I had not been taking better care of myself with such a significant part of me.

From now on, the person will have to be a worthy partner before the physical aspect of a relationship could be remotely possible.
I think this is the final way (aside from financial independence) to take care of myself and love myself properly to be a better woman.

This shift in perspective and consiousness has been strangely profound and very freeing.

I hope this helps someone out there. Wishing you love, peace, happiness, joy, and to find your passion in life and live it..always!!!!
Most sincerely,
CD1

I am feeling a little creative today and looking to shift my energy to a better place. I thought I’d just share some thoughts on Fall. It’s my favorite season and maybe that explains how my life has evolved.
It’s sunny and beautiful one day, chill and crisp the next. The temperature from the day to the evening can vary up to 30F sometimes. Most of all, I think it’s the gentle and even sometimes rough wind of mother nature letting me know that it’s necessary to shake the tree every once in a while to promote proper growth.
It’s my favorite time of year to take leisurely walks. No matter where I roam I can almost always count on the feeling of being uplifted by the breeze, observe the debris from a vibrant Summer now being thrown into it’s next step to provide a fertile foundation for the next year’s growth.
The once strong green or red leaves now start to show their other colors that have been there all along but have been covered by their strength. Slowly they allow themselves to be more and more vulnerable until they finally are coaxed off of their tree.
It’s a churning of the existing and a promise of the new and a signal that the next step has to be taken.
Nature moves forward without resistance, embracing every new environment knowing full well that there is always a tomorrow.
So much can be learned from embracing change and enjoying the process of it knowing all the while, tomorrow will be at least as beautiful if not more so.
It’s a lot like life. Even when you’re sad, having pain, maybe focusing on a previous ‘season’ in your life….enjoying the present knowing that the current changes are preparing you for another day….feeling taken care of in that energy and feeling ‘safe’ in that energy. I am so much a student of life and feel that I always will be that I think if I can embrace the season of change….and apply the beauty of it to my own life…then every moment I do this will lead to a happier and happier moment.

I wish you love and gentle, beautiful, appreciative change in your life and hope that no matter what, you always know you are loved and that every day will be better and better.

Love and peace..thank you for reading.

Most sincerely,

CD1

Wow…I have had so much going on since I last wrote….
I have done 7 lessons in the Overcoming Self Sabotage Course on DailyOM.com.
I have uncovered the undercurrent of my emotions and what I used to think of myself or well, how little I thought of myself.
And now…I’m dead set on finding my passion – what is my purpose…and I do not know what it is…I’m listening in stillness, meditation. I’ve done several exercises and doing more. I get little inspirations but they do not feel like my purpose.

I no longer think I have no value…I know I have value…exactly what my value is…still vague but working on that.
I know I am love, deserve to be loved and am loving.

It had been 2 months since I heard from the ex bf. Sent me a “happy Easter!!!” text. At first so many things stirred. Then I quieted and realized that I am so different than I was when I dated him. I am quietly calm and know what I want and what I don’t want. Immediately my thoughts had gone to, what do I do if he says he misses me or wants to see me? Neither of which he’s done thus far..LOL! And it’s Weds after.. And there is no crisis…there is nothing. If it is meant to be then he will come back into my life, slowly, and he will treat me wonderfully. If it is not meant to be, then he will not or he will and will not treat me well. I am no longer carrying the internal belief that you have to suffer emotional cruelty in order to be loved. And so, if behavior does not honor me as a person I will first communicate it and if that behavior does not change…then I would not continue to see him. It’s very simple, really. If I am taken for granted and not appreciated…then I will move away.
So there is no longer any neediness, fear, or crisis of any kind. I know that my true love is ‘here’ somewhere probably looking for me, too. And when we meet, it will be fabulous.
I do know that when the ex bf and I met, neither one of us was ready for the other. I was still programmed to negative messaging and he was still licking his wounds from a break up. We collided quickly and blew it all up. What remains to be seen is, 1. will he communicate and look to get me back in his life?(either way it doesn’t matter….I’m aok) 2. If he does…is that who he really is, or will he have also gone through a transformation and be the kind and loving person I’m looking for? Romantic? Etc? Was he fear-based before or still or is that who he really is? We will see.
I can’t imagine that he would send a “Happy Easter!!!” without any intention of contacting me again. I did send a reply later in the day, “Back at you”.

Meanwhile, I am very focused on finding my purpose…..I am so excited to learn what it is and am driven to find it.

Currently reading Eckert Tolle’s “The Power of Now” in addition to my other courses, studies and highly recommend it.

And so the journey continues…..true love? pending Purpose? pending Self Acceptance and Love? processing and percolating and beautiful…every day is like a flower opening with a new gift….I am enjoying this part the most, as it’s got the most momentum, Spirituality? Found a non-denominational Christian church with a pastor that I love and have been offered discipleship from a good friend (could I be more blessed?!! So grateful) Financial Independence? pending Friends and Family? Doing well, need somework in some family areas and always looking for new friends.

A passionate life? I guess you could say pending with progress? Yet, I’m passionate about the journey I’m on and I trust that all will be well and I will be passionately engaged in life….Thank you for ‘listening’!!

May your life be filled with love, joy, happiness, laughter until your stomach hurts, and perfect health!!!
Namaste with Love!
CD

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve written. I’ve been processing and processing. I don’t believe in writing unless I’m coming from positive energy as that’s all I want to give to the world. So many things have happened and been processed.

Just when I thought I really loved myself, I got in a relationship where I did not set boundaries where I should have…didn’t listen to my intuition the whole time. Eventually, I just kept things inside because I didn’t know how to address them, frankly. And after too much vodka and a series of events that were rather toxic for me in one evening, I sabotaged the relationship with a very angry outburst. In looking back, I know it was the Universe/God/Source that made sure this happened this way because I went against my intuition in going out with this man and continueing to date him and even got intimate long before I was ready – I can thank vodka again for that.
So you’re not anxious…yes, I do not drink vodka anymore. I have given it up as it doesn’t serve me.

So…what happened? Clearly the guy wasn’t over his ex gf. Every single time we’d discuss almost anything related to us, he would say, well so and so would have……
And it has become clear looking back that the guy was never dating me. It’s kind of funny now. He was still dating his ex gf…who was apparently very emotional. So every time I’d ask him about us related to some topic, he lied because he was afraid I’d blow up like his ex gf used to…which is frankly, not my style. So he lied and treated me as someone I was not. I didn’t set boundaries for myself when he did things that did not honor me. And it all blew up. At the same time, the night of the blow up…I learned something about him that the Universe/God/Source wanted me to be really clear about. So much so, because that consciousness knows me and knows that I’m too nice and always make an excuse for one mistake….but this time….this man had TWO opportunities to be a considerate and responsible human being and he blew BOTH chances. I won’t get into what it was but on a human level, caring about another human being’s life, not even necessarily mine, he doesn’t meet the minimum requirement. Let’s just say he didn’t care whether I killed myself or worse, someone else….and he had two opportunities to make that choice.

In looking back, I’m grateful. I’ve learned many things.
1. Always, always, always trust my intuition
2. Know how to establish boundaries that if I’m not being honored by others or myself, to stop the behavior, or distance myself.
3. Never become ‘relationship gf’ – doesn’t serve anyone
4. Find something that I can do that brings me joy
5. Continue on my path to learning how to best love myself…thought I was there but obviously I was/am not…working on it!
6. Get my financial independence going – the ending of the relationship made me take stock in my happiness….finances are definitely the next steps for me as well as potential career transition…in fact, likely.

Commitments?
Doing Chopra Center’s 21 Day Meditation Challenge, haven’t missed – today is day 17
Signed up for Overcoming Self Sabotage on DailyOM – did lesson 1
Committed to eating only quantities and types of food that nurture my body and help me reach my goal of being fit
Doing one thing a day differently to increase my love, happiness, abundance, and/or health
I’ve ordered two books – “Follow Your True Colors to the Work You Love” by Carolyn Kalil ( I heard this has really helped people find a career they’re passionate about…so excited!) and “The Power of Now: A guide to spiritual enlightenment” by Eckert Tolle – this book has come up at least 8 times in the past 2 weeks – so not ignoring my intuition…I will read it as soon as I get it.

I manifested a free Reiki session that I had yesterday – so grateful – and the reiki master, was so wonderful. We discussed things afterwards and she noticed that there’s nothing in my life that I do that brings me joy…real joy. It got me thinking….Another step I can take to find my passions in life would be to think about things that have always brought me joy. I do karaoke and when I’m singing…I do experience joy. So I’m thinking of finding a band that I can sing for and maybe it will bring in some extra money, too. I have faith that if it’s meant to be then the band and I will come together…hoping for jazz but we’ll see. I also love to travel so that’s on the list as soon as I can. I enjoy doing new things, learning new hobbies. I’ve always wanted to learn how to create stained glass. I started that process but it was pricey and in the middle of the work day so I will see if I can get back into that. I’ve also wanted to learn how to throw clay so that may also be part of my future new hobbies to learn. And finally, I am a total amateur but I love to play in Adobe Illustrator. I love to create printed pieces, art for promotional items, and for clothing. this is partially in line with what I do now. I will look into taking courses to become more expert in this area to see if this is another possible area of growth for me…ideally in retail.

So how is your journey going? Mine is packed with change. I get sad sometimes that I have lived this long and not been connected to my passion. At the same time, I’m very grateful that I’m just beginning to bloom and hope that some day, I’ll be living as a fully opened beauty rose filled with fire and passion for life and being all I can be so I can offer more to the world.

Oh – and also – ordered Wayne Dyer’s Wishes Fulfilled on CD – Can’t recommend anything more highly. I’m on disc 4 and it’s completely fabulous…I’m so grateful to him…..connect feeling what you want as if you already have it – not thinking it, but feeling it…and it will come….I’m still working on connecting my true feelings with my I AM statements and I’m excited for the day they come together and I am creating what I want in life. Thank you, Dr. Wayne!!!!

Wishing you love, light, passion, joy, happiness, health, and abundance…always!!!

Love and an open heart,

CreativeDiva1

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