It’s been a LONG time since I’ve written.   I apologize.  I am working full time and still running my business so things have been hectic so I was waiting for something to inspire me.   And here it is……

Now that I am older, almost divorced, and have been saved and studying how to be a better disciple…I am experiencing changes.   I see so clearly how ‘love’ when I was young was something I was looking for to fill a ‘gap’.    My struggle with food has been to fill a ‘gap’.  Even sex I expected to fill a ‘gap’ or enhance the love I thought I was experiencing that was supposedly filling the ‘gap’.

I see so clearly in younger people that they date and have relationships as I did…expecting the other person or the relationship to become something that you can only become by yourself with an active relationship  with God.  I know many of you are not on the same journey but I am no longer afraid of showing that I accept Jesus as my savior.   I am proud of it.    So if this is not your cup of tea…that’s ok…hopefully you may still get something out of reading my posts that’s helpful as that’s my goal…to help people.   I don’t judge anyone..that’s not my role…so love to all!

What I would like to commuicate is that I’ve been asking the Lord to change me and fill whatever gap I am trying to fill with other things with His love and guidance.   Since I have been praying on this…my whole perspective has changed.  I have taken many months off from dating and I see how I was not in a place to have any business getting into a relationship.    How many young people put a man or a woman before God?  I see now that before you can consider a healthy relationship here….you have to have a strong relationship with the Lord.    And if you follow Christ…you do not waiver.   You do not go into a relationship ‘needy’ because you have already fulfilled your needs through God.   It’s a completely different perspective.   A man that earns my love now is such a different man than he would have been a year ago.  And, hopefully, I am a better woman having changed many of my ways.  Obviously, I’m not free of a lot of sin yet my walk is different than it ever has been before  My expectations are different.  What I offer to the world is different.

If you realize that what you’re doing isn’t working….or you acknowledge that whatever addicton you might have, physical, emotional, or other is never going to fill that ‘gap’…..then I invite you to have a conversation with the Lord and ask for His help and guidance and I’m sure you will find people and places of support in front of you when you least expect it.   Ask for change and watch how you change.

Embracing the continual changes in me and my life…wishing the best always for you,

CD1

I recently started to think about cycles. In the past I always related it to the eating disorder of eating comfort food, or too much of it. As you’re probably aware…the behavior is…I don’t feel very good..I think I’ll comfort myself with some food. You feel over-full…and worse..and in a while…you react with…I don’t feel good…I think I’ll have something to eat..and it’s a vicious cycle. It seems quite a bit like insanity, really. Continuing to do the same thing and expect a different result as we all know = insanity.

This is obviously a very destructive behavior. I’m just starting to notice that it is not just food-related. It can be an illness well beyond food. I specifically notice the behavior of my dad’s girlfriend that I have been talking about for a bit on here. I am still praying for her. I think this also carried over into my mom’s behaviors, too. It goes sort of like this…..I am not happy with myself..I don’t feel good. I don’t know how to react to these emotions so I’m going to react to them and likely take it out on the person closest to me. On the scale of emotions, often anger is an improvement…but if you never give yourself the opportunity to rise to the next higher emotion then you sink back down into depression or sadness. So when she doesn’t feel good, she lashes out or is critical or does something that really, doesn’t make her feel better. In fact, likely afterwards she feels worse about herself and then sinks back down. And this cycle repeats until something breaks the behavior.

I suppose if I knew what broke the behavior, I’d be a millionaire. For me, my behavior savior is the Savior. I have a new reason to be deeply grateful every day for being saved. In looking to improve while still being humble I find my self esteem has grown and my capacity for love has grown and neither has stopped. I am very blessed and renewed. At the same time….it makes me want to help my father’s gf to be saved..to save herself. I pray for that as well as my whole family and all my friends and beyond.

It’s such a different vantage point to see such behaviors and no longer participate in them. I used to own other people’s issues and now I feel so much more empowered to think about the situation and see if there is anything I can do to help. I used to dwell and feel victimized and lash out myself. No longer being a part of that and shifting to love is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.

Wishing you love, light, peace, health, faith, comfort, and joy for the Holidays and beyond.

CD1

If you’ve been reading my blog you know that I have come a long way to get fear out of my life.  I have full trust in God with my life and hope that I get out of my own way to see what I’m supposed to be doing while here in the physical…what is the work He wants me to be doing.   I’m still unclear but face life with an open heart, open mind, open ears, and open eyes in the expectation that it will be revealed to me.

Well! Just when I thought fear left my life I realize that there may be different ‘houses’ where you have to address fear and grow and let go of it.   I am no longer fearful when it comes to money as I know God takes the best care of me and I am taking action to do my best.

I am no longer fearful as a single woman and can be happy.

I am not fearful about any part of my life for the most part.

AND THEN……………..

I get into a relationship and the fear demons leap into me.  What is THAT?  I didn’t even know it and here I am….fear based instead of love based in a relationship?  Now that doesn’t make any sense.  For some reason this quote caused that reality to hit me between the eyes from the Bible Gateway daily passage: “[Living in the Light] Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children.  Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ.  He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.” (Ephesians 5:1-2).

And it struck me….when you think about it..the poor man I’m with!  Here I am being fear based and not love based.

Every day I’m learning more about what it means to be a better Christian, a better woman.  And now I see that when life puts you in a different situation…check in and make sure you’re coming from love and not fear.   I have to do some praying on this for sure and hope that I can make that shift or I have no business being in a relationship at all.

Wishing you love, joy, peace, health, faith, and laughter and happiness…always!

CD1

This is a little snippet and I’d love feedback if anyone else out there has any experience. I hadn’t considered dating but have been put in the situation where a very nice man has asked me out and we’ve been dating for about a month. As you might be aware if you’ve read any of my blog, I’ve gone through a lot of changes in who I am and what I want. I don’t know if this is a good person for me or not but I do have one observation.

He is not an arrogant man. I was married to an arrogant man for 11 years and the first two men I dated were also very arrogant. I don’t know if men have the same experience with women so if you have experience….that would be neat to learn about, too. One thing I”ve learned is that an arrogant man constantly needs to either build himself up to other people or subtlely put them down….ok, sometimes not so subtlely. And what I realized is that deep down, these men don’t feel adequate in some way. Unless they fill that gap within themselves, this behavior continues. As a woman dating someone like this or going into a relationship with one…it’s only a matter of time before that energy gets turned on you.

From now on……no more dating arrogant men for me. I will pray for them and their healing…but it doesn’t mean that dating a man like that is a good idea.

I’d be curious if anyone else has any experience with this and if you agree or have any thoughts about the subject.

Wishing you love, peace, and perfect health, always!

CD1

 

When I was a little girl and watched cartoons on saturday mornings with my brother, it was always a treat when we caught the Pink Panther.  One of the cartoons was the Ant and the Aardvark.  And every time I think of the voice, “Hey Ant”….it just cracks me up.  In case your’e not familiar with it….here’s a little youtube link for you: http://youtu.be/E_LX7_48oLA

So why Ant?  I had the recent experience of starting to deal with the financial end of my divorce….what he expects, what I expect…etc.   If you’ve not gone through it…don’t.  It’s not a lot of fun.  I had always gone into fear and small mode.   In this feeling I’m more of a victim that has to accept my circumstances or what the other person insists on having.   So when he emailed me yesterday that he wants to force the sale of the house, the house that I owned before we met that is now a bit upside down, I went into that same place and got fearful and very upset.   And as I sat there, soaking in my sadness, victimology, unempowered-ness…..I started to ask God what He wants of me.  And I felt this shift start to happen from the inside out.   I am not a victim.  I have no reason to be sad.   I am fully empowered and strong with God and Jesus in my heart.   Just because the ex says something does not make it true nor what will happen.  My mind went a lot of places I’m not really proud of for a little bit but then came back to grounding.  So I let go of all of the old response/reaction and embraced my new self who knows that I am fully taken care of and trust God implicitly…that He is showing me the path of what is the next best step for me.   And I am more than ok…I am peaceful.

I went to sleep very early last night so I was wide awake and bushy tailed at 4am.  Instead of leaping out of bed like I used to…I waited for wisdom and was thankful for all I have…and then…the next wonderful lesson came.  We face things all the time that seem like they rock our world; they are paramount in and to our existence.   When really if you take a step or two back from the situation…it’s a speck.   It’s a speck in time and a speck in the world.  It’s just a speck in God’s overall plans.  And you have to always know that you are going to come out of whatever situation it is..happier, healthier, and an overall better person, better equipped to help others that might face the same or similar challenges.    As my pastor once said, things don’t happen so you can say ‘so what’; they happen so THAT you can help someone else…..so that.   The difference between that little double-u and tee is huge.

I write this blog so THAT maybe someone else will find some strength in knowing he or she is not alone…that we all have our struggles…and no matter what…there is always love for you.  In the overall picture we are ants in a way…carrying our own world on our shoulders.  It’s important to remember that the struggle that feels like the world on our shoulders will seem no more significant than the size of an ant some day.   If you have a struggle and you’re able to…let it go, even if for a few minutes at a time…and know that you will be ok.  Having said that, I know there are many people going through health issues…my prayers for you and I wish you no pain, perfect health, laughter, blessings, and optimism.

Wishing you love, happiness, joy, grace, perfect health, and tons of laughter, always….

CD1

I am overwhelmed and in awe of the gifts I have received from God over the past few days.
I have really shifted to trusting and knowing that God will take care of me no matter what. I know and understand that my plans are ok but if they’re not working out, it’s because there is a bigger plan that is more perfect than I could ever imagine.  I guess you have to call it blind faith when you don’t see what you want but you still trust that what is in your best interest is what is happening.

Gift Number One:   A couple of weeks ago I thought maybe I am supposed to pay for my bad decisions; I will pay for mine and my “soon to be” ex’s.   I told God that if it is best to pay for money mismanagement and gluttony and marrying the wrong sort of man…that I would pay for my share and his. I trust that He will create a way for me to pay for everything on my own and take care of me.

Today was ‘meet with my lawyer’ day regarding the next steps in my divorce. As my lawyer started to discuss the assets and liabilities and possibilities…I felt fear creep into my chest.  Immediately I thought…no.    You have no place here. I trust you, God, to take care of me and that I am in your incredible hands…..and I let the fear leave and felt comforted knowing that whatever is supposed to happen would happen and I will be fine.

When I left the meeting…I started to soak in everything discussed.  I am in a much better position than I ever thought I would be.  All sorts of things that created a safety net so to speak in the agreement became evident. That was my gift today – to feel the comfort of knowing I am taken care of and to end up in a position I never could have imagined.

Gift Number Two:  Yesterday morning I prayed that somehow my thoughts could be changed.   Can I please be more patient, kind and gentle…and treat others with utmost respect and compassion.   In less than two hours….I had the tool to make these changes. I still have chills every time I think about it. I wanted to lose my critical and petty thoughts and shift out of that ‘space’.  I am very newly saved so I am learning how to be a better Christian. In my final ‘access class’ I learned to treat everyone as if s/he is Jesus because Jesus is in all of us. When I think of people that way…it creates a new level of patience and compassion. I still slip into my lesser self with thoughts but now I have a tool to work on keeping forefront in my mind to maintain the most important commandment, ‘to love one another’. To elaborate even further..the service was about what it means to truly be a friend and in fellowship and how not to be a “drive by” Christian.

Gift Number Three:  The gifts have been both spiritual and material. I was wondering how I was giong to pay for my animals’ food and some other things, put gas in the car, etc. when an overflow of things have randomly come to me. A business partner said I had a credit so they sent me a check for $186.00 which arrived Saturday. Today I received a gift card for $120 from my internet/phone/cable company. When I went to my usual and favorite pet store….they had set aside freeze dried samples for me that I’ve been supplementing my cats’ dinners with. I have two cats with hyperthyroidism and 2 out of the three get bladder stones which can be fatal and/or expensive to remove. They must have given me at least $60-$100 worth of free samples and some for the doggie, too. They said they were just going to throw them out but they thought of me.   Sooooo generous!!   Just touches my heart!!!

It is moving…..how I feel taken care of in every way. I am filled with awe..it is not some awe, awesome,…..it is completely overflowing with awe! AWE-FULL!

I have had many a belly laugh lately. In my small group meeting a woman who has been truly a Christian since she was a little girl said, “Well, when you become a Christian there are valleys and mountain tops so just manage your expectation.” My response was, “Well, I don’t want to because I don’t want to believe there’s a valley…I don’t want to come down from the mountain top.” To which she responded with laughter, “I meant you’re in the valley and you have some fantastic times coming your way!” I burst out laughing and I do every time I think of it. The joy I feel no matter what else is going on in my life has been different, life-changing, thought changing, thought-provoking, beauty in motion and emotion, nothing like I’ve ever experienced. I feel as if I am changed forever and am eager to learn and be more. I was thinking about this exchange while tidying the house and I just laughed until my stomach hurt and thought…yes…this is the state I want to be in when I write my next blog..so here I am…in total joy, overwhelmment, and love. I had a few moments of grace this morning. I have meditated and done many other techniques but nothing was like the feeling that came over me this morning….and it wasn’t coming from me. It came upon me, from above and in front of me. I would give anything to have that experience again.  The last and most wonderful gift yet!

I realize this particular blog is a little choppy….more like a list of gifts….but this list has significant meaning to me, to my heart.   Gratitude doesn’t even begin to express how deeply I have experienced these gifts. I had to share them.

Wishing you love, light, peace, joy, and grace…always,

CD1

Wet, Add Shampoo, Lather, Rinse, repeat until hair is squeaky clean.

It’s my thought that we continue to experience similar events in our lives until we learn from them….really learn with every cell in our body.  I am going to share something very personal for the sake of demonstration.  Please know that I have no animosity towards my mom and I know she was doing the best she could; she was likely not very happy with herself or her life or she would not have done this.  My example takes place between 6th – 8th grade.  At least three mornings a week my mom would wake up completely grumpy and send me off to school after screaming at me that I was fat, unattractive, and why would someone like me have any friends.  She would be really violent with her tantrum though never physically hurt me.

Now that I’m an adult I have choices.  I can resent her forever or I can understand how tortured she must have been to do that to her only daughter.   What I have taken from this are incredible gifts, though it has taken me years to process and truly forgive my mom.  I regret that I did not fully lose my resentment until much later in life because she is no longer here on Earth as of May 16th this year.  However, having come out of this experience and analyzed how it has affected my choices and behaviors, I have a gift.   I can relate and empathize with people that have come from worse hardship than I have.  I have a deeply felt compassion for people in emotional pain and sometimes I can help them.   I would not be the woman I am today if I did not have this experience.   I feel deeply and can establish a connection quickly with most people and enjoy learning about them.   I can’t imagine a bigger gift.

So why repeat?  It struck me that I am being attacked by my father’s girlfriend of 23 years with whom I was very close until about a year ago.  She has been criticizing me to my father every day for a large portion of the day; it’s become very prominent in the past two months.  It struck me today that this is very much a repeat of what my mother put me through years ago, though a bit less direct…yet still as hurtful.   And I realize now, that she must be in a lot of pain to lash out at someone who has been nothing but kind to her.  I have endured many an evening of too much wine when she might have insulted me or my family but assumed that wasn’t her real intention as she was more elaborately looking to build herself and her family up due to some lack she feels in her heart.

How large must her pain be to spend so much time in anger and hatred?  For me, as of this evening, I am feeling a great deal of compassion for her.  I have been praying for her but tonight and moving forward, my prayers will be even more heartfelt.    No, it doesn’t mean I’m going to subject myself to abuse; it does mean that I can look at her and the situation with a great deal of love and extend my heart to ask God to comfort and  heal her for whatever she is going through.  Her behavior, which I cannot control, has laid heavy on my heart and now….that weight has been lifted.  I am grateful for the learning and am happy that I don’t believe something like this will repeat in my life.   I am finally at peace with her actions.

If you have a source of pain in your life from someone else’s behavior, something you cannot control, maybe there’s a gift in that.   Maybe there’s a way you can be grateful and figure out how to heal yourself and find compassion.

This evening I experienced a significant shift in who I am and how I choose to live.  I thought maybe someone else out there might be helped by this post.  If so, I’m grateful and thank you for reading.

Wishing you love, compassion, joy, and peace…always.

CD1

Fasten your seat belt, this might be a longer post than usual…maybe a cup of tea or a latte?

I asked God for learning about 36 hours ago…learning that I need to not repeat mistakes in my relationships for the future and how to be the best person I can be.  I did use the context of “I’m ready” as well.  I guess I am/was because it came flooding in.  I’m going to go through a series of events in my life that led to this significant enlightenment.  Once I had it, it seems so obvious and so, almost, coy.  Somtimes until you get it so that it strikes you from soul to skin…I don’t think you really understand the significance.  This one shook my world and brought clarity to so much.    I was told this was likely before but I wasn’t able to receive it in such a way that gripped me and showed me what it really means…so here we go!

About a week and a half ago an ex-bf texted me..had some of my things, shame to throw them out…could put them in a box and he’d be happy to deliver himself!    We broke up early Feb so it’s been about 9 months.  Prior to that, I heard he went to a place I frequent looking for me in June and Easter he sent me a simple “Happy Easter!” text.  To his most recent text I replied, “that would be fine. ty”  to which he replied, “Are you working from home today?”   I don’t believe that’s any of his biz so I was polite but not warm and basically said if I wasn’t home he could leave it in or on the milk box on the steps.  To which I never got a reply nor did a box ever show up.            What disturbed me was my reaction.  At first I just shook out of anxiety for a few minutes.  Then I got back into my own skin and thought….Hey, you know you don’t want a man that wasn’t nice to you, is more proud than caring, and views women as a commodity so chill out.  and I did.  then….about a week later it was almost like a little program started to run.  I started to think about him.  And over a few days I started to feel worse about myself and I realized that it was like a little computer program got triggered and I became the less confident woman that I was when I had dated him.  The observation was very freeing and I let go of that baggage.  I was a little concerned that it even happened and asked for guidance.

Yesterday I heard from my soon to be ex.  He wants some of his things from the house and a few things that are considered ‘ours’ from the house.  I responded directly and politely with the legalities of everything and was glad he was well.  The shaking came back for about an hour and we had a couple of brief exchanges and then that was it.   I was recovering from that and wondering why I would be upset when I checked my home voicemail.

My dad and his girlfriend of 23 years have been having their difficulties.  However, she has decided that it’s time to pick on me so my father listens to her complain about me every day for a large portion of the day.    I, unfortunately, know about this because my dad has told me what she says about me.  Meanwhile in June I confronted her and asked why she didn’t like me anymore..she denied everything my dad said that she says and we were ‘ok’ and agreed to have direct communication.  None of this talking to everyone except the person you have a problem with “stuff”.  I guess she could not keep to that.  So she’s at it again and it hurts because we were close.  However, it’s beyond my control.   I don’t know what to do at this point.  I know I’m not emotionally ready to be the ‘bigger person’ that I was last time with this repeat problem.  So why is this important?  Well, here comes Thanksgiving!  Lookout. family time!  I was all set to volunteer on Thanksgiving and stop at a friend’s house in the evening when I got a call last week from my dad.   He said he’d like to go to dinner with me because he couldn’t enjoy his dinner at his gf’s daughter’s house knowing I was alone on Thanksgiving.  I was overcome with his thoughtfulness and love.   I really felt cared about for the first time in a long time.

And then the voicemail yesterday…..his tone was critical as usual saying, “I understand Susann’s daughter invited you for Thanksgiving and you declined.  Sometimes you have to be the bigger person……”  I emailed him back to explain that I’m not emotionally equipped to deal with the situation, etc.  We had some ok exchanges and I gave him an ‘out’ and we were talking about having dinner the night before together when I realized….I went from feeling so loved to feeling like an inconvenience.    I welcomed the interruption to this energy as I had plans to see a movie with a friend.  On the drive home it struck me like my own personal earthquake…guess you might call it a soul-quake.   And what I’m about to say I would like to preface with the knowledge that many many people, men and women, have been worse off than I was and am….this is just my personal soul-quake.     My father has never told me I’m pretty or beautiful.  He’s never said I could do or be anything.  He’s never said much except for criticism my entire life.  When I talk to my dad 99% is either about him or it’s criticism of some kind.   And it ripped through me inside and out…..I have been looking for self-esteem, personal value, personal beauty…all the things I had expected and wanted from my dad from external sources, ie: men.     There it was like someone stamped it on my forehead for the first time.  I have been uncertain why the crying came and still comes but now I realize that I’m grieving for what I did not receive and still have not from my dad.    Sure, you could have told me that a few months ago and I would have said, yeah, likely.   I tend to learn things the hard way but I learn them well when I do learn them, thankfully.  And this one I would not have really understood or learned unless I had that experience with every cell in my body and spirit.

So why did I shake when the ex bf contacted me? When the ex contacted me?   This ‘bond’ I had with these men for me was linked to my self-esteem, value, and beauty validation.  It was a deeper part of me looking to connect and get what it needed.  It’s also why my father’s gf creating problems bothered me so much as she’s part of the source of love from my dad.  I am investigating my next steps to heal these wounds and feed my soul so that I can be fulfilled and feel like a full person not needing anyone else’s validation.

I am grateful for this experience as the gift from it is tremendous.  The opportunity to grow as a person and become more than I am now will enable me to contribute more positively and with more value to all of my friends and family and to the world.  I asked….and boy did I receive within 36 hours.  I am truly blessed and look forward to the next chapter in my life.

Wishing you peace, unconditional love, self-discovery, and joy, always!!!

CD1

Election Day

I didn’t think much of it but struggled a lot for whom I would vote for.  Meanwhile in the background it’s been a roller coaster day and week, really.   I had one friend in the throws of what to do with her relationship call and literally vent/scream for a half an hour.  Another out of nowhere had a sudden outburst at me.  None of it was meant for me but I received a bit.  While the second hurt a bit only because now that I live without another human being, I’m not used to being yelled at….shocked me.

On a personal level…I found great comfort in a very competent recruiter that told me I am very marketable and gave me more optimism towards my next step in my career.

And…I voted for the opposite person I was going to vote for based on research and articles.  I’m frankly not crazy about the choices but felt I would at least make a vote that would quasi count given our electoral college.

Through the day I was reminded of so many things I’m grateful for.  As I left the voting area….I had a bit of a walk and I thought….it feels incredible to know I’m taking great care of my heart.  I was also thankful that I’m not having emotional turmoil in my life created by another or external forces.  Anything I feel is created by my own mind so why not create peace, beauty and optimism.

Last week I started to think about an ex bf.  I wondered why and I kept asking why for days.  Then, on Friday…there it was.  He texted me.  Turns out it was a huge gift to think about that relationship, why I’m not in that relationship anymore, and would I ever revisit that relationship?  No.  I would not.   He was not nice to me many times; he treated women as a commodity; and mostly, he broke some cardinal basic laws of humanity and overall caring of another human being’s life.  While I believe he was hurting from an ex gf, there were still larger problems under that foundation that would prevent any woman who at least likes herself to say, no thank you. I’m glad I did.

Surrounded by friends in emotional turmoil and an ex trying to weave his way back into my life made me thankful that I’ve learned to take care of my heart and keep it for someone who cherishes and loves me.  It also makes me thankful that I’m not in emotional turmoil and to pray for my friends peace and love and healing.

I’ve never stopped and thought about taking good care of my heart before.  This has been a first for me and the observation and experience is lovely.  I wish it for everyone and hope that I stay on the path towards healthy, full, deep love.

Wishing you peace, love, health, light, and inspiration….always.

CD1

I had wondered why when an exclusive relationship broke up, I am a little devastated and it takes me a while to heal.
Am I needy? Not particularly.
Would I prefer to stay in a relationship that wasn’t serving either of us? No, definitely not.
So why the pain?

Recently I’ve been watching all sorts of videos and snippets on love, relationships, and what it means to be physical with someone in a relationship.

Well, it’s not that I am needy, desperate, mal-adjusted, issue-ridden, etc.
Turns out, I’m likely in better balance with my spiritual and physical than I thought.
This is something I have been working towards for years with yoga, exercise, nutrition, meditation, some hypnosis and subliminal work, etc.
Turns out, it makes sense. What was I doing wrong? I was not taking proper care of my body.
Often we eat organic foods, we exercise, we moisturize, we anti-age cream ourselves…do a lot of things that help the body inside and out.
Yet….at least for me, I forgot that my soul lives inside this wonderful body, too.

My most recent learning is that when I make the decision to be physical with someone I’m in a relationship with….I’m giving them not only my body but a piece of my soul. They are connected, not disconnected. This is very significant and explains the pain I’ve felt and still feel since my last break up of almost a month ago.

If I had looked at it that way….like I was giving this person a piece of my soul…would I have gotten physical with him? Easy answer there…heyl NO! Not at that point.

Some people might think I’m nuts and well..that’s ok. I am not one of those people that is disconnected spiritually from my body. I innately knew this but the synapse hadn’t carried its way to consciousness.

So, it was comforting that I understand why so much pain…but not comforting that I had not been taking better care of myself with such a significant part of me.

From now on, the person will have to be a worthy partner before the physical aspect of a relationship could be remotely possible.
I think this is the final way (aside from financial independence) to take care of myself and love myself properly to be a better woman.

This shift in perspective and consiousness has been strangely profound and very freeing.

I hope this helps someone out there. Wishing you love, peace, happiness, joy, and to find your passion in life and live it..always!!!!
Most sincerely,
CD1

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