Tonight this topic is regarding relationships….

If you’re not aware, there are various types of people that can fit into various categories when it comes to unhealthy relationships.   I was what is often referred to as a ‘rescuer’.  I, briefly in my life, had the ‘victim’ mentality.  Thankfully I did not stay there very long at all.   However, the victim is very appealing to someone who loves to find validation and value by rescuing someone else.

My blog is about all aspects of getting to know yourself so this is the ‘relationship’ part I’m speaking to.  It could be considered a form of codependence.

I’d like to offer some food for thought for others who are or have ever been a “rescuer” like me or a “victim”.   Have you ever had the experience of the “victim”?  The “victim” has typically been greatly emotionally injured by another.   Ninety percent if not all of the responsibility normally is within them.   The “victim” has allowed others to treat them badly and blames everyone else for their own action of not respecting themselves. If this person stays in ‘victim’ mode then they never accept their role, responsibility, and accountability in their lives.

Now one role is not better than the other…I’m only speaking from the perspective of the “rescuer” and my experiences.   We are taken by the “victim” and feel empowered by ‘saving’ them.  Many “victims” turn to some sort of addiction to make themselves feel better.  The addiction can be a false martyrdom, substance, abusing others, etc.

The reason I’m writing about this is because I’d like to give both the “rescuer” and the “victim” some food for thought.   The “victim” is so caught up in their ‘abuse’ and not taking accountability that when they have weak moments…it’s only a matter of time before they turn to the addiction.   They will justify it because they can do no wrong because they have been so ‘abused’.  This isn’t always the case but this happens a lot.   Just like their lives, they do not take accountability for these actions and often turn to blame or excuses.  Until they realize they have a problem, this cycle is never-ending and is never their ‘fault’.

Now, if you’re a rescuer/codependent, etc, do you really want to rescue someone that is most likely to inevitably hurt you directly or indirectly until the ‘victim’ has moved beyond ‘victim mode’ and accepted their responsibility for their own life?

This observation just struck me as I had never thought about the dynamic of the “victim” mentality and how it relates to accountability.  It also showed me that ‘saving’ someone doesn’t make you a hero, but actually an eventual ‘victim’ yourself.

Please do not misinterpret what I’m saying.  I love to help people and generosity is one of the biggest pleasures in life.  This is not about never helping others.  This is about the dynamic of an unhealthy relationship and hopefully, might help someone break his or her cycle…whether victim or rescuer.

Wishing you love, joy, perfect health, inspiration and passion!!!

CD1

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