I was first ‘saved’ a few years ago and surrendered my life to Jesus.  As I’ve continued my path to become a better and better Christian woman, yes….I still have my struggles and understand I likely always will.  The blessings are that most of them are changing and new struggles emerge.  When I thought about surrender, I thought….yes, I’ve surrendered my life to God. In my mind it was almost like a checklist item…yes, I’ve done that.  As the months and years have gone by, I see myself trying to grab the steering wheel from God to put things in my own control.  Of course, that’s when I’m least joyful…yet I still try it every once in a while.  Much of this control issue after ‘surrendering’ I find is linked to trusting the Lord.   Yes, we all say we trust the Lord.  But, when the check is a little bit less or later than usual, do you get that anxious twitch in your stomach or side?  Does your chest tighten a little?   How long do you stay that way?  Do you recognize that it’s happening?   When you get into a relationship that is going well, and then you get anxious about it.   How long does it take you to realize what your mind is doing to the relationship?  Where is God in that?  Whatever it is that is your ‘hot button’, how long do you stay in fear or anxious over it?

What I’ve come to realize is that surrender isn’t a one-time offering.   The days I’m most joyful, feel I’m living more purposefully and have the most peace are the days I remember to surrender myself to the Lord in the morning.   To declare to Him that I trust him with everything in my life.   I don’t want to give the wrong impression.  I don’t just exist and think God’s going to get me to work, although, He will get me there safely.  Our responsibility is still to take action, but to do so in faith.

There is a LOT rolled into surrender and trust, isn’t there?  I would ask you if you have stress and/or fear in your life, are you putting on the whole armor of God every day?  We are not strong standing as an island.  Our strength comes from God and we can ask for it.  He will build you up.

For me, the biggest battle by far goes on in my head.   Negative or incorrect thoughts….projecting thoughts into the future which makes no sense.   There is a lot to be said for living in the present moment with total faith.  In order to maintain joy and peace in the face of society today, I strongly recommend using all the tools at your disposal.  I think many of us pray and read Scripture.  How often do you read Scripture out loud?  Our words are very powerful.  We can use them to protect ourselves and to strengthen our armor.

Try putting on the whole armor of God (Ephesians 6: 13-17). If you don’t currently arm yourself with any, start with one or two pieces.  Start reading Scripture…then move into adding prayer…living more and more righteously….I bet you see that your life and your trust grows creating more harmony within you.   It will affect your relationships with everyone and more of satan’s darts will bounce off.   Once you’re more protected, beware of your weaknesses….satan’s a lion and will jump the moment you’re not squarely facing him, ie: be watchful.

I make the above observation because when I get lazy in putting on my own armor, my mind goes places it has no business going and it affects all of my relationships and my quality of life.   The moment I move back into my Bible reading, using my promise book to read Scripture excerpts out loud, pray, and do my best to live more and more as God wants a Christian woman to live…..my mind turns into a very calm and peaceful place.  I guess you could say that whatever shoes I’m wearing turn into my “shoes of peace”.

The goal of my posting is to encourage those that are having stress and anxiety to relieve those feelings.  They are so harmful in so many ways, spiritually, physically, emotionally, etc.   It is also to help you recognize when you feel anxiety and fear, how to find trust in the Lord.  I recognize this isn’t like turning on a switch but through faith and the armor of God, you can get there.   It took me about 8 months to lose my financial fear when I was going through divorce.  When I feel a twinge of financial anxiety, I recognize it quickly and turn to the Lord to get rid of it and trust that He is taking care of me.  I am very far from perfect and hope to encourage anyone in fear.  I understand and wish you blessings and pray for you.

I leave you with a quote from my favorite Casting Crowns song, “Just Be Held”:  “Your world’s not falling apart it’s falling into place, you’re not alone stop holding on and just be held”.

Wishing you peace, love, perfect health, joy, faith, trust, surrender, blessings, and tons of laughter!!!

Remember, God made you and loves every bit of you.

CD

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It’s been a while since I’ve written.  I have been inspired and then felt that the ‘lesson’ was not complete and then inspired, and then not ‘complete’ so I’m just going to pick this up where it’s at!  I know I’ve written on setting boundaries in my life before.  I’ve also written about where is God’s boundary and does he have one and the differences of opinion on that.

Today I’m revisiting boundaries in our lives.   I have been very blessed through prayer, experience, and spoken verses from the Bible to have received emotional healing of childhood wounds I thought were already healed.   Apparently, forgiving someone does not equal personal healing and is just the first step.  Silly me.  I had not realized that I was interacting with people looking to be validated in my life, especially with men.   However, this experience was true for most of my personal relationships.

An interesting dynamic starts to show itself when you begin to realize as the son or daughter of God, you are already valid.  Not only do you no longer seek validation, you also gain self respect.   In gaining this self respect, your interaction with historical relationships may begin to change.   Behaviors you once found acceptable or allowed you no longer tolerate in your life.   I find my reaction can be strong or defensive if I’m not self aware.   It appears as if three of my close friends overstep boundaries that I never recognized before.  It has caused me to pray and ask the Lord if I’m bringing these reactions into my life or if it is just a matter of recognizing the inappropriateness of behaviors.   I prefer not to lose friends but find it necessary to establish new boundaries of what is acceptable.   I am a firm believer in you are responsible for what you allow in your life.  I think with an approach of love things will work out….and of course prayer.

I’d be curious if others have had this experience and what typically happens…..do you develop new friends or do existing friends adjust to your newly ‘framed’ self?

This blog is nothing but consistent: relationships and God.  The interesting dance of how relationships can bring you closer to God and how God can clarify and form relationships….and change your perspective.

As a woman born in the Northeast US, I had some ideas of what the man I want to marry might be like.   My marriage that is now ended was one where I was co-dependent.   Now that I have come through that and have a relationship with Jesus, that picture has changed significantly.  Even now, I am finding lessons in my ideals versus what I could and should be looking for in a partner.

In this recent blizzard, I was left alone.  My “boyfriend” (I quote it becuase he’s a grown man) said he’d rather stay in his apartment than be here to help me.  Knowing we were likely to get about 30″ of snow and potentially lose power, I was very hurt.  Now that I’ve come through the storm and he obviously feels like a worm at this point seeing what it was like and that there was a travel ban so he could not come to help me…..what a different place I view that relationship from.   I have been praying and mulling over how uncared for I felt…feel.   I made it through last winter alone and was fine.   Which brought my mind to, “when I was alone”….so now what am I?  Not alone?   Yes, you can imagine a slight pity party in my head, can’t you? Luckily, I don’t allow myself to stay in self pity for very long.   However, this did make me look at my relationship with a whole new perspective.

Is it fair to expect a man to be my rescuer?  I think to some extent, yes.  A man’s love is demonstrated through actions.   However, if his apology is real, genuine, and he was truly being a block head for a moment, then what?   Is it devastation that I couldn’t count on him?  Is it significant? Yes and no.   We will see how things go.   I’m hurt, disappointed, but mostly, very pensive.    If this life truly is a temporary assignment before eternity, then how much does all of this matter?  It matters more, I think, that the person has a relationship with Jesus.  It matters if he does think more about how to be a helpful and supportive partner.

Then, it came to this.  Who can I count on 100% of the time?  Me? another human being?  Not really.  The only one, Absolute entity I can count on 100% of the time, is the Lord.  And you can take THAT to the bank!

People will be what they are going to be.  We make decisions about who we have in our lives and how we can best serve our purpose here.  When you understand that God has you, it becomes SO much more important to walk with Him, closely. It matters to have a close relationship with Him and that you work on building that relationship every day.  God will be there long after this brief life we have here. Jesus will hopefully welcome me to Heaven.  Can you truly ask for anything greater?

Given that knowledge and when we start to walk more closely with God, I think we shed a lot of baggage.  We do not get ‘offended’; we realize that everyone is only capable of being who they are on their journey.   Expectations, whether we set them or someone else sets them for us…they drift away.   To a certain extent we become naked again.   No baggage, no pretenses….just you in front of Jesus wondering if you’re being the person He would want you to be.   Once you are standing there, raw, really seeing yourself, the other person becomes ‘naked’ as well.  You don’t look at what they say about themselves.  You observe their actions and who they are to you without expectation….just the thoughts and actions exchanged.   You stop judging them and you shed your expectations of them.

Then, through the emotional processing and prayer there is the blessing.  Knowing that you choose to walk more closely with the Lord and that only His love is never-failing, beautiful, graceful, and something to consistently strive to build inside you and in your life.

How can you be angry with someone that builds your faith? I don’t think you can.

Wishing you perfect health, love, joy, laughter, and knowing your purpose in this life.  God bless!

CD1

Today I am writing about boundaries.  There are two contexts in which I present them.  The first was based on a wonderful service given at church by an engineer. The way he framed and asked where your boundary is with regard to your faith established a wonderful platform to discuss boundaries.  After the service, my beau and I were discussing where our boundaries are as far as how far spread the Lord’s reach is.  He believes that about 1% of things are random.  I was very engaged at the thought.  As far as my faith, I believe nothing is random; there is no luck; there is no karma…..everything in the past, present, and the future God knows and either allows or is part of.  This then begs the question, how could He allow AIDS, ALS, Ebola, natural disasters, plane crashes, etc.?  The way I frame it is that I think there’s more to it in the large scale of things that we couldn’t possibly understand. I don’t understand a sick child or the death of a child and it pains me beyond comprehension.  However, I have to believe that child is with the Lord, in a much better place and I pray for the comfort of those around the family suffering.  So by saying that I do not believe in randomness…is not to say that I do not feel for those suffering.   I want to be clear about that and have you in my heart in prayer.

However, what I did learn is that my border doesn’t exist when it comes to the Lord; where my beau’s is 1% less than infinity.  Learning about our perspectives and faith definitely helps me to understand where we differ when we speak of or discuss our faith.  It was inspiring to think about how I think about the Lord and whether or not there are either limitations or anything that is not in His control.

The second context of boundaries is setting them in relationships. I believe this is also related to the rescuer behavior and bursts of anger but I’ll explain that towards the conclusion.

I have had several friends talk to me about being ‘offended’ by people in their lives. Our Pastor speaks about never letting anything come between you and another Christian.  Let things go and don’t be offended or hold a grudge.  I believe that and it struck me deeply.

I will use myself as an example related to setting boundaries.  I have a friend who has been ‘saved’ for decades, unlike me, the newbie, not even three years yet.  The two of us have a lot in common.  She is quite gabby which I believe comes from unhealed emotional wounds, but I digress.  When we get together we tend to be very close and intense and then in a mater of anywhere from two weeks to three months, we blow up.  After a couple of episodes of this, I’ve observed that if I take a step back when I feel the relationship getting really close again…it resets things back to where we’re excited to see each other and happy.  I now set very clear boundaries around this friendship and I’m able to love her more consistently and stronger and be a better support to her in her life and faith.  She is a lovely person whom I pray heals her wounds of many years.

This is not the first time I’ve had to set boundaries with people in my life and I find I have more peace and love in my life since I’ve observed and made changes.

Enough about me……Observations:  I have one friend who has been a very supportive and loving friend to another woman who is much younger. That younger friend is, well, let’s just say, running back to the flame that burned her already for four years.  Now that she’s running back to that flame, she doesn’t want to hear about what’s best for her because she knows it, yet hasn’t grown or matured enough to make better decisions for herself.  As you can imagine, she’s suddenly distant to the woman who has listened and supported her for years related to this same issue.  So there are at least two frustrations if I put myself in my friend’s shoes. First, she’s listened and supported this friend for years yet after a hopeful few months of separation, she’s drinking from the poisoned well again.  Second, the blatant and quick separation makes my friend wonder if she was ever really her ‘friend’.  The other woman is younger and rebelling.  She’s never had a mom figure in her life before so my friend is the mom she’s rebelling against, I think.  My friend is intelligent, beautiful, faithful, and would guide anyone on a virtuous and healthy path, like a mom would.  So what now?  What is there to learn from this?  Observing this behavior, I recommend my friend create a little distance and not just jump back into the ‘mom’ role which I know she won’t.  Rather than becoming offended, look at it as a learning experience.  Think about where to set boundaries with this relationship so you can consistently love this person, be supportive, but not be offended when she needs distance.  The most important learning here, I think, is understanding the dynamic and how to manage it so you don’t own other people’s actions.  Some people are blessed and can give and give and give a lot of themselves and are mature Christians to understand never to own other people’s actions.  Then there’s the rest of us…learning one step at a time how to be solid no matter what is going on around us.  Everyone has his/her journey and to respect that is a beautiful thing.

Now to circle back to the rescuer mentality and bursts of anger. The rescuer is the person that wants to help another and will be supportive.  Some rescuers do this to the point of overwhelming the subject they’re rescuing and some have a toned down version they exhibit.  However, the rescuer almost always gets offended, hurt, and angry when their subject does something different than their instruction or falls back into the same situation because they are personally invested in the act of saving the subject.  If they took their personal investment out of it, then the offense doesn’t happen or not for long, and they’re likely not surprised the moth has flown back to the flame now that it’s not personal.  They can observe the subject’s patterns.

So where does the anger come from?  Whether you’re a rescuer or not, when you allow people to treat you badly, is it really them that you’re angry with?  Or are you truly angry at yourself for not setting healthy boundaries to not allow people to treat you badly?  I know I’ve written on this subject a few times so I won’t go deeply into it…but I invite you to consider this as food for thought.

Big deal, so what? Boundaries?  I was inspired to write this because when I experience the same topic surfacing through relationships repeatedly, then it inspires me to help others that might struggle with this same topic.  I only wrote about one friend but honestly, I’ve had at least five friends tell me about similar circumstances in the past two weeks.  Is there a call to action for everyone?  Maybe.  Do you have a relationship that is trying or where you may not have harmony?  If you set a healthy boundary, could you then maintain a better, more consistent relationship with that person, even if it means some distance here and there, or even frequently?

I hope this helps someone and I pray for your happiness, health, and faith!
May every day be filled with laughter and joy!!

God bless,
CD1

Hi Everyone! Sorry it’s been a bit since my last post.

If you’re a regular reader you know I took a year off of dating and I am now prepared to date but not aggressively as my hopeful divorce will be March…so no dating sites or anything much until then.

However, I happened to meet a man that I found attractive, easy to talk to, with similar interests, etc.   It was the first time in a very long time that I had even considered dating someone I met.  The first night after we met he spent the night standing beside me talking to me.  The second time I saw him a month later he arrived early and asked me to sit next to him and we talked all night again.  We sang a duet and he walked me to my car both nights.  He gave a very nice compliment when he walked me to my car the second night.    He seemed like a nice man.   I liked that he was going slowly and didn’t even ask for my number yet.   Then I saw him again about a week ago.  He sat next to me but acted very strange, very distant.  As the night went on, he talked more but obviously a bit more chilly and did not walk me to my car.     Meanwhile, I had been praying that the Lord would guide me or send me signs whether or not to follow if pursued.    So I call this my Hot Hot Cold experience.   I’m not sure if he’s insecure because he put himself ‘out there’ as my counselor suggests or if he’s moody or fickle, or a game player to see if I get more interested.  No matter what he is thinking, I found it to be a huge turn off, ie: no more crush.  I credit this to the Lord offering His guidance in my life.  I am very grateful.

So when I have those tweaks of loneliness every once in a while, I remember that a heart break is far worse.  Meanwhile, I have two friends experiencing serious heart break in their lives.   I pray for them both.  One is saved and one is not.   I won’t go into details but one is in his 20’s and my other friend is in her 30’s.   Seeing their experiences reminds me of lessons I’ve learned and how I would approach anything serious very differently in my life.  It also reminds me to keep the Lord first and always ‘have a life’ outside of a relationship to maintain an even balance.

I hope that everyone and anyone out there experiencing any sort of heart break knows that it happens for us to learn, to ask God to change us, and know that God has a better plan than you could possibly imagine yourself.  Maintaining faith and trust can help you shift from this painful place maybe a little faster or at least with more comfort.   I see many of my past mistakes in my friends’ lives as I’m older.  I can empathize and maybe offer a little advice if sought.   Love is so huge in our lives  and it amazes me how reckless we can be when considering it.   Seeing these examples reminds me to take excellent care of myself before becoming involved with ‘a crush’ or any man.   I am only starting to grow up emotionally in many ways and it’s comforting knowing that you can take care of yourself when it comes to love.   Of course, heartbreak can happen; it doesn’t exclude it.  However, there are ways of going into a relationship when you take care of yourself and are responsible for your health in every way that can lead to more success, I believe.

Wishing you a very appreciated, loving, joyful, faithful, positive, healthy life….always.

And this Valentine’s Day, I hope it’s not drastically different than another day because you feel just as appreciated and loved every day of the year!

CD1

I don’t know if this happens with men as much as with women. However, many women, when we/they like a man, get almost a sort of desperation to see that man. Of course, people with a healthy attitude on life and believe him/herself to be valuable…are never ‘desperate’ for another.

I was thinking about this while walking through Boston when all of the sudden it hit me. There is only one ‘person’ or entity that I am desperate for…and that would be Jesus. It’s amazing how when you ask the Lord to change you what happens. The processing we go through one step at a time…it’s like being an egg that never hard boils. Oh how I wish I were the 8 minute egg sometimes. At the same time, the journey and accomplishments along the way are wonderful to celebrate.

Have you ever been desperate for another person? Maybe felt insecure with a new relationship?
I am ashamed to admit that I was in the past.
The shift to feeling truly valuable changes what we seek, I think……maybe even how we seek.

This may not be an epiphany for many. However, as I look at dating when I am finally divorced in March…I am grateful to experience this inherent change that has been a process over the past two years.

I would love to hear from you about your experiences related to this. I find that it also changes the information I receive when I meet a man. I can see more clearly what he might be processing based on his journey. It’s not like anything else I’ve experienced. I don’t claim to know what a man is really thinking and feeling but empathy based on another’s experience seems to grow and expand with a deeper understanding.

I feel very blessed that I will never be desperate for anything in my life beyond the Lord. What a gift to go into 2014 having learned this lesson!

Thank you for ‘listening’ and reading. I wish you a blessed 2014 filled with perfect health, love, light, increased faith, blessings, and joy and laughter!

Most sincerely,

CD1

I run into friends, family, people, etc. that tell me that the Bible was written years ago and is no longer 100% accurate or applicable to today’s ‘world’. People tell me the principles are ‘old fashioned’ and I should ‘take them in context’.   I thought I’d share some of my own experience related to at least one of the principles of faith and some thoughts of why or why not it might be applicable.

First, I am not a man so I can’t speak for you…but I’ll come flat out and say that as a woman, and I know some may differ, if I am physical with someone it is much like giving a piece of my soul to that person. It is intimate and brands that person onto my heart.

People say that premarital sex is the standard now. The Bible directs us to wait until marriage. What is right and what is wrong? If you are faithful to God and accept Jesus as your savior….do you follow the social standard or do you follow the Bible? I choose the latter and I don’t say this lightly as it’s not easy….in fact it can be one of the most difficult things to do.

I think we often look at ‘rules’ as a limitation. God doesn’t want us to…..
Is that what it’s really about? Having been in the physical for 46 years now and saved less than two, and newly single, I have some perspective on this.

What if God has these principles to live by to protect us?
What if he gives us a way of life that molds us into strong, powerful, kind, and loving people?

So why am I even talking about this? Have you ever noticed there has been a past boyfriend or girlfriend that still seems to have some emotional connection with us. Someone runs into them….maybe even they talk nicely about you. Or maybe they cross your mind and you have this connection that you can’t seem to fully break yet.

I have had this happen to me….had a rocky week of divorce events last week and three ex boyfriends came out of the woodwork. One of which was difficult for me to get over. I became physically involved with this person well before I was ready and I was not saved at the time.
I have come to realize that when you are physical with someone, whether you like it or not, a bond has been made. No matter if this person treated you well or did not treat you well….there is that bond…at least from my perspective.

I am grateful to always remember that faith comes from the head first and your heart either follows or is there at the same time, depending on the situation. By this I mean to say that faith is forethought about what is right and what is not….about what actions to take….faith is not based on emotional response but thoughtful response. Going through the book of Daniel has demonstrated that true faith is consistent and unwavering.
I mention this because I have leaned heavily on my thoughts related to faith and realize that this man does not represent anything I want nor is he an actively faithful man. He goes to church but has no relationship with the Lord. This is the first observation along with many other behaviors that are unacceptable as a potential partner in my life. Yet…there’s that bond just because of the physical connection we had.

So I ask the question about the ideas in the Bible on premarital sex. Perhaps God wants to protect us from unnecessary pain and scar tissue. I think it’s not about obeying the ‘rules’ but more about taking loving advice from our true Father
-To protect and care for us so we may avoid the ripping off of pieces of our most precious heart.
-To ensure we make decisions from a faithful place, a true place, not one that is strewn with bonding before making a sound decision

Isn’t it a bit backwards to get physically involved and then hope it leads to marriage? Maybe a bit backwards to make the best decisions after you’ve bonded with someone?

Doesn’t it make more sense to treat ourselves as precious…the way God sees us?

I think the Bible, having been written by God through man, is likely more perfect than our society, more perfect than another’s interpretation, more perfect than we could ever fathom being human.

I thank you for your time if you read this. This topic is often on my mind and I continue to process and observe in my own life, how my faith would have saved me so much pain and time if I had been walking as a disciple years ago.

Have a beautiful month of Thanksgiving, I hope filled with blessings, love, peace, health, and gratitude.

Most sincerely,
CD1

I am newly saved…since March 2012. I didn’t really start walking the walk until September. I run into a lot of people who have been saved for years and years. I think it’s because I’m a ‘newbie’ that I am always flabbergasted by their lack of passion for their faith. Obviously not everyone is lacking fire, but there are a good number of people that do. I am not judging or being critical….this is merely an observation. It causes me to wonder what I’ll be like in 10 years. Will I lose my passion for the Lord/Jesus? Or will I still be on FIRE for Him?

Next I noticed those days where I don’t do my daily devotional or read the Bible that my day is completely different from when I do. The most recent series in my church has been called “Make War”. It’s about putting on the armor of God to be prepared. Part of protection is saying the Lord’s word out loud and maybe that’s related. Ok, no ‘maybe’ about it.

I have some friends that say, “I don’t need to go to church to prove I believe in God or am faithful.” The church, not the building but the people, gives me strength and learning. I know Jesus expects a man to treat his wife ‘as the church’. So it seems to me that to build your faith is to go to church for learning and to support each other among many other reasons.

I think the wonderful part about people being saved all the time is that there is always new ‘blood’ to keep us inspired and on FIRE for our faith and the Lord.

So what is all of this hodge podge? I know it looks pretty unclear. However, I think all of these things are kindling for the fire. Noticing if you feel uninspired and taking action to keep your passion going. Taking time to stop and read God’s word can have a tramendous impact on your life. It’s easy to fall in love with being busy but of all the times I’ve been too ‘busy’ for the Lord, I’ve never felt more empty. While these are some random observations and experiences, I think they all contribute to excitement for the Lord, motivation to improve as disciples, and a better ability to receive blessings and guidance.

This was my inspiration today. I hope it resonates with some of you. Have an incredibly beautiful and blessed day filled with love, joy, perfect health, and optimism…always!

CD1

Tonight this topic is regarding relationships….

If you’re not aware, there are various types of people that can fit into various categories when it comes to unhealthy relationships.   I was what is often referred to as a ‘rescuer’.  I, briefly in my life, had the ‘victim’ mentality.  Thankfully I did not stay there very long at all.   However, the victim is very appealing to someone who loves to find validation and value by rescuing someone else.

My blog is about all aspects of getting to know yourself so this is the ‘relationship’ part I’m speaking to.  It could be considered a form of codependence.

I’d like to offer some food for thought for others who are or have ever been a “rescuer” like me or a “victim”.   Have you ever had the experience of the “victim”?  The “victim” has typically been greatly emotionally injured by another.   Ninety percent if not all of the responsibility normally is within them.   The “victim” has allowed others to treat them badly and blames everyone else for their own action of not respecting themselves. If this person stays in ‘victim’ mode then they never accept their role, responsibility, and accountability in their lives.

Now one role is not better than the other…I’m only speaking from the perspective of the “rescuer” and my experiences.   We are taken by the “victim” and feel empowered by ‘saving’ them.  Many “victims” turn to some sort of addiction to make themselves feel better.  The addiction can be a false martyrdom, substance, abusing others, etc.

The reason I’m writing about this is because I’d like to give both the “rescuer” and the “victim” some food for thought.   The “victim” is so caught up in their ‘abuse’ and not taking accountability that when they have weak moments…it’s only a matter of time before they turn to the addiction.   They will justify it because they can do no wrong because they have been so ‘abused’.  This isn’t always the case but this happens a lot.   Just like their lives, they do not take accountability for these actions and often turn to blame or excuses.  Until they realize they have a problem, this cycle is never-ending and is never their ‘fault’.

Now, if you’re a rescuer/codependent, etc, do you really want to rescue someone that is most likely to inevitably hurt you directly or indirectly until the ‘victim’ has moved beyond ‘victim mode’ and accepted their responsibility for their own life?

This observation just struck me as I had never thought about the dynamic of the “victim” mentality and how it relates to accountability.  It also showed me that ‘saving’ someone doesn’t make you a hero, but actually an eventual ‘victim’ yourself.

Please do not misinterpret what I’m saying.  I love to help people and generosity is one of the biggest pleasures in life.  This is not about never helping others.  This is about the dynamic of an unhealthy relationship and hopefully, might help someone break his or her cycle…whether victim or rescuer.

Wishing you love, joy, perfect health, inspiration and passion!!!

CD1

Sometimes I think it’s difficult to see your own progress…to take a birds-eye view of your own life and where you are now, how you got here, and how you’ve changed. I am not only on a life journey but a journey with the Lord asking, begging, pleading to be changed and become a better disciple. Reconciliation with Him is quite often my biggest struggle….not feeling good enough when it’s not really up to me to exactly ‘do’ anything to be loved by God except to accept his incredible grace and patience. It’s working to improve my faith, knowledge, and many conversations with Him that keeps creating changes in me and my life.

I have become witness to a phenomenon that I don’t think is any great epiphony, necessarily. However, I see women get depressed, avoid, and escape their problems in hopes that a man is going to ‘rescue’ them. Like a man is the last piece of the puzzle that they need to be complete and then everything will be fabulous. I think I see it so well because that was me when I got married about 12 years ago. I’ve probably written how it’s unfair to get into a relationship if you’re not ‘whole’ getting into it because no one else can make you happy. Any expectation of someone else completing you is a huge burden on the other person that they don’t deserve…very unfair and impossible to accomplish.

On this journey I thought God had filled all of my ‘gaps’. I was very happy and chugging along with my faith, my work, my friends, family, and yes, my pets, too, that I am blessed to have. Just when you think you’ve ‘arrived’, you get a new perspective.

This week I had two of my closest friends ignore me and be feisty with me and I wasn’t quite myself, either..I will shamefully admit. I do understand that sometimes close friends need some time off from each other, too, to re-energize and bring other experiences into the friendship. I’m ok with that. Into the Gap I went again….all friends stopped most communication with me as well as my brother and dad—all I have left for immediate family. I hadn’t really connected with either one since the end of June.

Well, step into the void and see what happens. There it was. Just me, my dog, and cats….and back to me…and the Lord. As with all change I have experienced….the emotional swing is challenging yet beautiful because we often reach out to God with even more heart felt words. Just this morning I asked God to please show me what I’m learning….I had no idea what was going on but I knew there was a lot of emotional upheaval that I decided to experience and let it happen and invite His guidance….and there it was…I had another gap I wasn’t aware of.

If you truly had no one in your life….absolutely no one….would you be ok? Would your relationship with the Lord be all you need? There it was…staring me in the face.
So how are you, really, Cris? (ok, that’s me in case you only know me as CD1)
Where are you in your walk? Are you honestly and truly giving yourself to God in every way to feel fulfilled and valued by your relationship with Him?

And completely off-topic….this has been on my mind a LOT this week…..
I have recently been struggling with whether or not I would give up being saved to save my brother. The thought of him in hell, total darkness for all eternity among many other things made me break down this week. I had that conversation in my head…could I give up my salvation to save my brother? I wasn’t quite there. Now I know that it’s not an “either or” situation. I also pray for him to be saved every day along with many people. But that question resonates with me for some reason..could and would I do that?
I don’t know. Considering this life is a blip compared to after this life..it’s a very large question. I have a suspicion that’s the devil trying to make me feel inadequate and nothing to do with anything that matters. I also think it doesn’t hurt to examine yourself sometimes, too. If anything..I think it builds faith. Knowing hell is real is definitely understanding faith and a motivator though I don’t believe in ‘fear motivation’. Though, it does build a healthy respect and fear of the power of the Lord.

I know I will always be changing and looking for new ways to be a better person, better disciple. That’s what life is all about, I think. I continue to pray for guidance and to be changed with full knowledge that often, the path can be painful, but better to change than to stay the same, not improving.

I hope my journey is at least a little helpful for people. Wishing you a wonderfully blessed life and may you have no gaps!

Most sincerely,

CD1

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